I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
