he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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