We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
