you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
