I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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