Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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