No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
