life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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