Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
