she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
