This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize