and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize