He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
