I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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