I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
