Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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