im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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