what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
