Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
50% drunk capacity currently
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
