i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize