whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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