he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
