i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
