i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
