You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
