Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
