In the future we'll all be gay
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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