She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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