just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
