I got chris browned last night
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
