I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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