Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
