we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
