you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
