porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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