I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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