why im i the only drunk person in the library?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
