i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
