just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
