I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
