Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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