The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
