Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
