I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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