Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
