Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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