I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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