So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
