I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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