Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He did a backflip because drugs
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