I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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