SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
