Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
