I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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