he shaved USA in his pubs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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