Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
