I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
