someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
