Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize