We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
