Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
