She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
