Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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