Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
