call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
