Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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