I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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