I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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