I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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