Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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