Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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