Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
