Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
