Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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