well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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