Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There r osticjed everywhere
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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