my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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